Happy First Birthday Polly

For Polly's birthday we decided it would be best to go on a trip some where, so that is what we did.  We stayed in SanDestin through sweet friends of my parents.  We had never been and the area was beautiful.  We drove around and looked at all of the beaches and picked the perfect one to have Polly's little birthday celebration.  My parents had sent balloons for Polly, but we wanted to send her a lot of them, so we went to the store to buy more balloons, a flower to send to her, and also a "birthday cake" which we thought a cute cupcake would be perfect.  I can't tell you how surreal it is, buying all the things to celebrate a birthday in a busy grocery store but only us knowing the birthday angel is in Heaven.  We were both scared someone would see my tummy and assume what we were buying was for the baby.  Luckily everyone seemed too busy to notice us as we fought back tears waiting on her balloons to be inflated.  Again we had that surreal moment as we celebrated her birthday and watched the sunset on the gulf.  There were people walking on the beach, kids playing, dogs running in the water.  It was so very surreal to be sad in such a happy and beautiful place. We wrote messages on her balloons, tied a flower to them, and sent them to Heaven.  Next we lit her birthday candle on her cupcake and took pictures of it with her lovey.  We had many tears but also smiled at just how much love our Polly fills our hearts.  Still a year later we miss her just as much.  We still cry for her and we still wonder why.  For her birthday we dreamed of a sweet party with family and friends, watching her eat her first bite of cake, and reminiscing on how quickly the year had gone by.  Although our celebration for Polly was perfect for us, it was not at all how we imagined her first birthday would be.  Still we were thankful for the peace we felt and that God chose us to be her parents.  As we sat and watched the sunset, there wasn't even a breeze on the beach, which was odd, but somehow her candle blew out on its own.  We like to imagine that was Polly making a wish on her birthday.  We also were so overwhelmed by all of the sweet messages, emails, and cards.  The fact that so many remembered her and her birthday is priceless to us.  Our greatest fear is that she will be forgotten, so thank you for acknowledging her on such a bittersweet day for us.  We were reminded how many people her short life touched. 

So now we are in the "in-between dates".  I have wondered many times since the 11th what kind of a day it was in the NICU on that day in 2011.  And it still is so unbelievable that this all happened a year ago.  It feels like yesterday.  I couldn't imagine that I would be pregnant a year later.  There are just so many emotions.  The day after we got home we drove to Savannah for our first perinatologist appointment.  We were there a while and loved the medical professionals we met and thankfully heard that every looks perfect.  We have been blessed to hear good news at every appointment, but despite the smoothness of this pregnancy, we still are guilty of worrying we won't be able to bring this baby home.  I think being pregnant has reminded us how you are not in control and you just have to do the best you can, pray and hope.  But we are so very thankful that everything has looked perfect.  We asked at this appointment (like we do at all) how the lungs look and basically heard what we have heard many times.  Since the lungs are still developing and are mainly tissue, you can't really see them, only where they should be and parts of them.  You can see the "branches" and also that there is lung tissue there, but babies don't use the lungs until they are born, so there is no way to tell if they will work.  Still we are very thankful for all the good news we heard and for the extra care we have received. 

Please continue to pray for a healthy Rainbow and for us as we brace for Polly's angelversary, the holidays, and our Rainbow's arrival.   And thank you for remembering Polly.  We still hurt for her so much.

Polly's Balloons

On their way to Heaven!

Happy 1st Birthday Polly!  We love you!