Monday, February 4, 2013

Counting Down

We had our 36 week ultrasound last week.  Blakely is still breech and in a position where they don't think she will turn.  Her feet are up in front of her face which makes it pretty much impossible for her to be able to kick and turn head down.  So for now the plan is to have her delivered via c-section on February 19th.  Our doctor thinks that is the safest way for her to be born.  I have imagined her arrival into the world hearing a healthy baby crying and squirming in the doctors hands, both things that Polly didn't do.  I've been told c-section babies don't typically react that way, so I am bracing myself for some silent moments and breath holding right after delivery.  I have been watched very closely and go back for one more non-stress test and then one last ultrasound.  I can't even express how surreal and terrifying it is to have an official date of when we will meet Blakely.  I've had to ask numerous times if that is the best decision for her because I don't know what is in this situation.  We've notified the pediatrician and also our contacts at the hospital in Augusta so everyone knows when Blakely will arrive, just in case we need them.  In the mean time we are waiting and counting down the days.  It seemed like Feb. 19th could not get here fast enough, but now I am terrified of it being so close.  I wish that I could have known those final weeks I carried Polly would be the last time I would feel her so alive, kicking and moving about.  I am scared that these are the same moments for Blakely.  I tell myself that it can't happen again, but I am scared that it will.  It is so easy to get wrapped up in your fears so I try to focus on the fact that God has got this, He always has and I need not worry.  Cast your worries unto Him.  He has known the plan this whole time.  I pray that 2013 isn't a year of tears and heartache for us, but one of blessings and healing.  That we will be blessed to have Blakely be a part of our family here on Earth.  I can't imagine what it is like to have a normal experience and being able to bring home your baby.  It seems impossible in a way with these final days are upon us, that everything might be completely fine.  So I am trying to take it all in and love all of these moments with sweet Blakely.  I make sure to rub her little head, talk to her, and play music for her that I can tell she definitely enjoys.  I kind of don't know really how to feel in a way, I am just sort of here going through the motions each day as we wait for the 19th.  I know I ask for prayers so often, but as we prepare for Blakely's arrival we ask for prayers again.  Please pray for Blakely to be blessed with good health and mature working lungs.  Please pray for Whit and I as we wait and prepare.  Your prayers truly humble us and we could never say thank you enough to each of you who still think about our family. 

Matthew 7:7  ”Ask, and it will be given to you seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."

1 Peter 5:7-9  ”Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."