As the weeks move on, the closer our due date gets, and the more nervous I get. I just wish I could know how this will turn out. I am coming to terms that this is out of my hands, that God is in control. That is obviously something I have always known, but to be reminded how you do not have any control is very humbling. Humbled is probably the best way to explain how I feel the majority of the time. All I know to do now is to pray and wait. My daily prayer is for this baby to be ok, for her to be able to come home, and for Whit and I to get the opportunity to raise a child on Earth. We have also named this little blessing Blakely Lynn. Blakely will share her sister's middle name, something we hope will help her feel connected to her older sister, her own guardian angel. Like Polly, we wanted our second child to also have a unique name, one that you don't here too often. And we like how they sound together, Polly and Blakely, they sound like sisters already. :)
I've been going to the doctor weekly this month for extra monitoring. I've had weekly non-stress tests where they measure the baby's heartbeat and make sure it goes up during movement and down when she is resting. So far she has performed beautifully and her heartbeat has sounded good. These tests are about 20 minutes at a time, so I have some peaceful moments to sit and pray and listen to her heartbeat. I've come to enjoy this bonding time with her despite the reason I am having them done. They are watching her closely and she is a good size and has remained active, all good signs of a healthy baby. I will also have 2 or 3 more ultrasounds. One thing they will look at is if Blakely is practicing breathing. I've already been able to witness watching her "breath" on an ultrasound and it is such a relieving site. There is still worry since they checked things like that with Polly, she was obviously doing what she was suppose to and not indicating something was wrong, and that babies don't use their lungs until they are born. So as you can imagine there is comfort in seeing things progressing and hearing good news, but still a lot of worrying. I've also read that hiccups are a good sign of lung maturity, that it shows the lungs are developed enough for hiccuping. I never felt Polly hiccup, which that doesn't mean she never did, it could have been that I just didn't feel them, but last week I felt Blakely hiccup and you would have thought I had won the lottery with how excited that made me. I made Whit confirm that they were indeed hiccups. I have to remind myself that there is no guarantee, but you can't be too disappointed with hearing good news and having good signs like that. I do have one specific worry, which is more of a hurdle than a health concern, but we found out that Blakely is breech. I am 35 weeks and she is running out of time (and room) to turn around, which means a c-section for me if she stays where she is at. I had Polly naturally and had an uneventful labor and delivery, our rollercoaster began immediately when she was born. The thought of surgery scares me. What if I can't get up and go like the last time? What if I am less aware of what is going on? Also babies born via c-section tend to have a higher chance of breathing issues for various reasons, but I also know plenty of babies are born healthy that way. We just want to have her here safe and healthy and don't care what that takes. It worries me that she isn't doing what most babies do right now, but then again it doesn't take much to get me worrying. Worrying is something I pray about daily and is always a constant struggle.
So please pray that Blakely is just doing things on her own timeline (much like her mother) and that she will turn head down and be born the way that is more natural and helpful for her little lungs. If that doesn't happen, please pray for a safe procedure and for the doctors that will perform it. Either way we ask for prayers for Blakely and for us. We know God knows our hearts even better than we do and have continued to rely on Him to give us peace and a calmness as we await little Blakely's arrival. As always we thank you for thinking of our family. We truly feel your prayers every single day.