Monday, April 9, 2012

Tough Day

Just wanted to vent a bit, but I had a tough day today.  I just really miss Polly today.  I miss her every day but some days it is unbearable, and this was one of those days.  I would give anything to have her back with us.  To have her healthy.  I am still just in shock that she was so very sick.  What are the odds of something like this happening to your baby?  Fortunately not likely but for us, we were on the wrong side of those odds.  I also feel like people don't understand me.  I think I could describe my feelings until I am blue in the face but until you have helplessly watched your baby fight for life only to loose the battle and you are left with so much emptiness could a person understand.  I feel like I am isolating myself from everyone else, but not on purpose.  Easter was hard as expected.  I can't even enjoy holidays right now, it just hurts too much and all I can think about is how Polly should be here with us.  I am starting to realize that this is something that you don't "get better" from, you don't "get over it", and time is not healing my wounds.  I have noticed that you get used to things but that is about it.  You don't wake up one day and feel all better.  It is difficult because I think people assume that one day Whit and I will be healed.  Like since we are doing normal, every day things that we are "all better".  That is far from the truth.  Whit and I are just trying to learn how to deal with our grief.  Whit always reminds me that Polly wouldn't want us sad all the time and that we need to make her proud.  I unfortunately don't feel like I make her proud.  I am sure I will one day, but on days like this I just want to sleep all day to not think about how empty our lives feel.  Anyways I didn't mean to write so long.  Just had to get a few things off of my chest.  I miss you so much sweet baby.  I love you!

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